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Luke Arnold
Daddy Luke
Prop
Don't be fooled by the happy, smiling exterior - uinderneath there lurks the soul of a killer. The only thing that stops him from going on a rampage with his street-fighting UFC skills is that he's got a loyalty card for Mandy's physio table. |
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Dan Bourne
Still, Wallace
1980
Flanker, Wing
Still living in the shadow of "that" coach trip to Folkestone. Kids' Hallowe'en parties are a speciality (best not to ask about the costume), but also available for weddings and Bar Mitzvahs. Another of Mandy's regulars, probably not helped by the cheese-heavy diet. Definitely not a back, just plays there occassionally.
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Matt Brown
Browna
Centre
Off travelling around Australia, bets are being taken on how long it will be before he gets deported back again. Once learned a very important lesson about why gobby centres shouldn't wind up big lumpy forwards, but no-one's seen him do it since. Has a restraining order against Ronald MacDonald. |
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Daryl Chumbley
Wing
We should point out that Daryl doesn't have this much hair anymore, which just goes to prove why Facebook is such a treasure trove. Loves a bit of the old UFC, but for some reason has never challenged Daddy Luke to a showdown. Go on Daz, you know you want to... |
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Iain Fisher
Pêcheur, Lenny, Fish
1988
Back Row, Hooker
Likes to think he is a hard worker, has delusions of grandeur about how quick he is, and moans at referees an awful lot. Loves winding people up, especially if the targets are Eddy P or Pirty, but he's not really that subtle. The more excited he gets, the more he sounds like a barking dog.
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Rob Fryer
Fryer Tuck
1983
Back Row
Is a very special person. Hands have a tendency to break every now and again. Unfortunately he's never been seen to turn up for a game with this hairstyle, but hope springs eternal.
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Matt Goodsir
Scotland, Alan Carr
1989
Fullback
Was hit by a car the day before the Old Gravesendians game. Came through with minor cuts and bruises, but the car exploded into a ball of flame after being hit with his Hand Off of DoomTM (see illustration). Chuck Norris is scared of him. |
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Rob Grantham Hill
Grumpy, GH
Hooker, serial complainer
The straight man to Tom Wright's Morecambe, Rob is co-Social Secretary for the club. The suspicion is that he's taken this on so it gives him more to complain about. We'd love to say it's a front, but peel back the layers and all you find is more grumpiness.
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Ian Gray
1988
Centre, Flanker |
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Joe Green
Lock |
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Ryan Grover
Lock |
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Jon Hamblin
Big Jon, Ming the Merciless
Lock
Surely too pretty to be playing in the tight five, you'll not find a more carefully-cultivated set of facial topiary than on the big man. If you want to keep in his good books, best not to tell him the new strip makes him look like he's put on weight. Has also assured us that the graffiti outside the changing rooms is a lie. |
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Adam Harman
Prop, Lock
Everything Rob GH knows about being grumpy, he learned from this man. Starting to feel his age after realising (in his own words) that he has toenail clippings older than some of his fellow players, but he has aged like an old port. Grimsby perhaps. |
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Carl Harman
Lock |
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Phil Harrison
Master Yoda
About 900 years ago
Utility Back
Doesn't look like a rugby player, drink like a rugby player and some say can't play like a rugby player. Is however entering his 32nd year as a rugby player. Ask him about how good he was when he was younger!
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Ed Jowett
Number 8, Lock |
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Simon Matterface
Splatts
1977
Back Row, Lock
Sussex U15 - 21, LSE divisional trials, Horsham 1 XV, Crawley 1 XV, Crawley Jets rugby league (Amateur National Champions 2 years whoooo yeah!!), National Summer Conference Select XIII rugby league and Sussex Merlins rugby league. Has a penchant for pink.
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Aaron Phillips
Flanker |
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Ben Pirt
Pirty, Bendrie de Pirtwie
Hooker
Runs around the park like an over-excited labrador puppy, and has the flowing golden locks to match. There are fears that if he keeps dropping weight at this speed then he may actually collapse in on himself and create a black hole. Also known to have headbutting contests with Fish - society is usually the winner. |
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Kim Platfoot
Prop |
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Sam Rice
Spicy, Penface
1988
Wing
Played Rugby at Horsham for 15 years, regular appearances in Rugby World..... All round good guy. Oh and injury prone! Went to America to play fly half but they sent him back under the Trade Descriptions Act.
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Mark Ross
Back Row |
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Tim Smith
Viceman, Smithy
1983 (apparently, check Wikipedia)
Scrum Half, drinking on the touchline and shouting abuse
Played at HRUFC since he was 5, and was vice captain of the triumphant Lions side who won the Sussex Vase. Third generation Italian, popular with the ladies, and was allegedly UK Bodybuilding Champion in 2002!!! |
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Nick Stocker
Stocks (but as he's a coach most of the things he's called can't be printed)
1971
Centre, frustrated Scrum Half, Coach
Interests include fine cuisine, ballroom dancing and Kabbadi. So whatever Sam says really. Was allegedly in the military, but no-one's ever seen any evidence of his fighting abilities. Not once. Never. Not even thrown a punch.
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Matt Stone
Silverback, Stoner
1980
Hooker, 1st XV Captain
Has been playing for the club since the age of 5. Returned to rugby after a couple of years out to captain the famous Horsham Lions squad to the Sussex Vase and was also Captain of the 1st XV the following year on their promotion season into London Four. Represented Sussex and played Rugby League for what was the London Broncos Academy. |
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Nick Swann
Prop |
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Mark Thompson
Tommo, Tommo V2.0, Roboprop
1979
Prop, Lock, doggy
Generally forgetful (people's names, lineout calls), practitioner of peace and love off the field / savagery on it, used to live on planet Venus until ousted by all the women. Currently being rebuilt with cages, metal plates and pins, now more machine than man.
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Seth Wise
Dirty Seth
1981
Openside Flanker
Young, handsome, funny, athletic and of course…..modest. As with any good seven is perpetually offside but denies every one of them. Holds the record for HURFC's funniest training injury - those of us that were unlucky enough to see the bruise are still in therapy. |
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Doug Wright
Dougie, Genius
Unusually shy about revealing it
Scrum Half, Utility Back, face down on the physio's table
U10 s Player of the Season, MOTM against Crawley U10s 1989, part of the team that beat Forest School in Year 8 and leading points scorer in U14s Horsham 7s Tournament 1994! Ambassador for Horsham RUFC and Lions Captain. Once missed a season to pursue a dancing career and his dad has never forgiven him. |
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Tom Wright
Tommy Tank
1983
Fullback
Social Secretary (and therefore annoyingly cheerful) and lifetime member of Horsham Rugby Club. Likes to run through tackles and does not believe in people who try to sidestep opponents. |
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